How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows

If the idea of writing your own wedding vows fills you with a mix of excitement and dread, you’re in very good company. Most people have never written anything like them before. The good news is that great vows don’t need to be poetic or long. They need to be honest, specific and yours.

Can you write your own vows in England?

At a celebrant-led ceremony, absolutely — there are no rules about what you say. Your vows can be funny, tender, short, long, rhyming or completely matter-of-fact. The legal part of a marriage in England is done separately with the register office, where set legal words are used, so your celebrant ceremony is free to be as personal as you like.

Step 1: Agree the ground rules together

Before either of you writes a word, have a quick chat and agree three things:

• Length. One to two minutes each is ideal — roughly 150 to 250 words. Long enough to mean something, short enough that your guests (and your nerves) stay with you.
• Tone. Will you both be heartfelt? Both a bit cheeky? A mix? It helps if you’re roughly matched, so one of you isn’t doing stand-up while the other is in tears.
• Secret or shared? Some couples love hearing each other’s vows for the first time on the day. Others prefer to share them in advance. Either works — or let your celebrant be the only one who reads both, to check they sit well together.

Step 2: Brainstorm before you write

Don’t start with a blank page and “I promise…”. Start by jotting down answers to a few questions, as quickly and honestly as you can:

• When did you first know this was the person for you?
• What do they do that nobody else sees?
• What have you been through together that you’re proud of?
• What makes you laugh about them (in a way they’d be happy for your nan to hear)?
• What do you want your life together to look like in ten, twenty, fifty years?
• What do you genuinely want to promise them?

You won’t use most of it. That’s fine. You’re looking for two or three details that could only ever be about the two of you.

Step 3: Use a simple structure

Most memorable vows follow a shape a bit like this:

1. Open with them. A line about who they are to you, or the moment you knew.
2. A specific memory or detail. Something small and real — the way they make tea, the night your car broke down, how they are with your family.
3. Your promises. Three to five, mixing the serious with the light-hearted.
4. A closing line. Something that brings it back to today and to forever.

Promise ideas to get you started

Mix big promises with little everyday ones — the everyday ones are often what guests remember most:

• I promise to be your partner in everything, and your teammate on the hard days.
• I promise to listen, even when I think I’m right.
• I promise to keep choosing you, every single day.
• I promise to celebrate your wins louder than my own.
• I promise to always save you the last roast potato.
• I promise to hold your hand through whatever life brings, and to let go of the TV remote occasionally.

An example of personal wedding vows

Here’s an example to show the structure in action (please don’t copy it word for word — yours should sound like you):

Sam, the first time I met you, you were trying to parallel park outside my flat and it took you eleven attempts. I watched every one of them, and by attempt six I knew I was in trouble. You are the calmest, kindest, most stubborn person I know, and you make every ordinary day feel like an adventure.

Today I promise to be your biggest cheerleader and your safe place to land. I promise to tell you the truth, even when it’s hard, and to laugh with you, even when it’s at me. I promise to keep learning who you are as we grow. And I promise to always, always guide you into parking spaces.

I choose you — today, tomorrow and every day after.

What to avoid

• In-jokes nobody else gets. One is lovely. Five and your guests are lost. If you use one, add a sentence of context.
• Exes, past struggles they’d rather keep private, or anything that could embarrass them. If in doubt, leave it out.
• Quoting a whole poem or song. Borrow a line if it means something, but let the rest be your own words.
• Writing it the night before. Give yourself a few weeks to draft, leave it, and come back to it.

How to read your vows on the day

• Print them. Don’t read from your phone. A small card, or a vow book, looks lovely in photos too.
• Read them out loud beforehand — several times. You’ll find the sentences that trip you up and can rewrite them.
• Slow down. Nerves make everyone speed up. Pause after the big lines.
• Look up. Glance at your partner at the end of each promise.
• It’s OK to cry. Take a breath, and carry on. Your celebrant will be right beside you.

Don’t want to write them from scratch?

That’s completely fine. Some couples prefer to repeat vows after their celebrant, or to write a few personal lines and add them to vows the celebrant has drafted. When I work with couples, I help with vows as part of every wedding — from a gentle nudge with structure to helping shape your notes into something you’ll be proud to read.