How to Write a Eulogy

A eulogy (or tribute) is a speech that tells the story of someone’s life and what they meant to the people who loved them. It doesn’t need to be perfect, polished or clever. It needs to sound like them, and like you.

How long should a eulogy be?

Around three to five minutes is ideal — roughly 400 to 700 words when read at a steady, comfortable pace. If several people are speaking, agree who will cover what, so each tribute is shorter and nothing is repeated. Check with the funeral director or celebrant how much time is available, especially at a crematorium where slots can be fixed.

Step 1: Gather memories

Before you write, collect stories. Ask family and friends for:

• their favourite memory of the person
• three words that describe them
• a phrase they always said
• something that always made them laugh
• a small detail — how they took their tea, their terrible jokes, their pride in the garden

Jot down key facts too: where and when they were born, family, work, places they lived, hobbies, achievements.

Step 2: Choose your angle

You don’t need to cover every year of their life. Some of the most moving eulogies focus on one theme — their generosity, their sense of adventure, their love of family — and tell a few stories that show it. Others follow their life in order, from childhood to the present day. Choose whichever feels most natural.

Step 3: Use a simple structure

1. Opening: introduce yourself and your relationship to them, and a line that captures who they were.
2. Their life: the key chapters — childhood, work, family, passions.
3. Stories: two or three short, specific stories that show their personality.
4. What they meant: the difference they made to you and to others.
5. Closing: a final thought, thank you or farewell.

Opening line ideas

• “If Dad were here now, he’d be telling me to keep this short and get to the bar.”
• “There are some people who make a room brighter just by walking into it. Mum was one of them.”
• “I’ve known Pat for forty-two years, and in all that time I never once saw her turn someone away.”

It’s OK to include humour

Laughter at a funeral isn’t disrespectful — it’s often a relief, and a sign of how well someone was loved. A funny story that shows their character can be the moment everyone remembers. Just make sure it’s kind and that close family would be comfortable with it.

What to avoid

• long lists of dates and jobs with no stories
• private family matters or anything that could hurt someone present
• in-jokes that most people won’t understand
• trying to cover everything — choose the moments that matter most

Tips for reading it on the day

• Print it in a large font, with double spacing. Number the pages.
• Read it aloud several times beforehand, and time it.
• Mark pauses where you’ll take a breath.
• Have water nearby and a tissue in your pocket.
• If emotion takes over, stop and breathe. Everyone in the room understands. Look at a friendly face.
• Have a back-up. Give a copy to your celebrant or a friend, who can step in and finish reading if you need them to.

Would you like help?

As a funeral celebrant, writing the tribute is part of what I do. I’ll talk with you and your family, gather the memories you want shared, and weave them into a eulogy that sounds like the person you’ve lost. If you’d like to write and read it yourself, I’m very happy to help shape it, and to be ready to read it for you if the moment becomes too much.